For Everyone With Children

[Castle Doctrine]

I want to start by asking everyone to be serious about this. Please don't politicize this. Please.

I'm just going to say one thing about this article. It applies to Grandparents as well as parents...even though we are not mentioned.


https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/to-the-mom-i-didnt-mind-making-uncomfortable-at-122768443256.html

Even if this doesn't effect you it is well worth considering. And would be a fine Sunday morning sermon, really.

[BigTex]

I think it has gotten to the point where it is just not a good idea to engage a total stranger in conversation about their children. The land mines are everywhere.

[grouchy]

I understand.

[ralph]

I just mind my own business other than smiling at the kid and mother , father , maybe saying hello and moving along . Been doing that for a long time .

[crocmommy]

As an older parent raising two children I've been guardian of for 6 years, here are the two most offensive:

1. How old are your grandchildren? (or what cute grandchildren). Why make that assumption....why even go there? Just say what cute children and let the parent share whatever they want.
2. Are you going to have any children of your own?
3.Calling me by the girls last names since their father is a felon who I would rather now identify with.

Otherwise I've had no problems. But I don't think I agree with the woman's answer about her child that died. And who would even ask that "oldest child" question. Makes me even wonder if that is really a true story.

[GFB]

I think it has gotten to the point where it is just not a good idea to engage a total stranger in conversation about their childrene.

..or anything else..the whole world is now just waiting to be offended.

[Red Oak]

A few years back, when our oldest set of Grand Kids Parents were deployed to Iraq, we were full time Grand Parents for around 18 months.

We would get the looks from other people when we were out with them.

"Are they the Parents or Grand Parents" ?

It was really very funny I thought, it didn't bother us that much.

It was a hard time, hardest was knowing that their Mother could potentially be killed or severely maimed, but one of the most rewarding experiences of our life.

We didn't have the energy we had with our own Kids; but we had a little more wisdom.

[crocmommy]

A few years back, when our oldest set of Grand Kids Parents were deployed to Iraq, we were full time Grand Parents for around 18 months.

We would get the looks from other people when we were out with them.

"Are they the Parents or Grand Parents" ?

It was really very funny I thought, it didn't bother us that much.

Why do people even care about that? What difference does it make?

It was a hard time, hardest was knowing that their Mother could potentially be killed or severely maimed, but one of the most rewarding experiences of our life.

We didn't have the energy we had with our own Kids; but we had a little more wisdom.

I can relate to the energy issue. It is finally beginning to really catch up with me now.

[Castle Doctrine]

As an older parent raising two children I've been guardian of for 6 years, here are the two most offensive:

1. How old are your grandchildren? (or what cute grandchildren). Why make that assumption....why even go there? Just say what cute children and let the parent share whatever they want.
2. Are you going to have any children of your own?
3.Calling me by the girls last names since their father is a felon who I would rather now identify with.

Otherwise I've had no problems. But I don't think I agree with the woman's answer about her child that died. And who would even ask that "oldest child" question. Makes me even wonder if that is really a true story.

I am fortunate enough to have had my grand kids mistaken for my daughters. I sort of liked that. I've never had the "children of your own" question. We don't do last names in public. But, I picked the girls up at school a lot before we moved. The office staff often called me by their last name. That wasn't nearly as bothersome before he became my ex-SiL and I knew he was a domestic abuser.

Sadly, I do believe her story and understand her feelings. It was a grandchild. I never exclude her from recounting my GKs. I don't make a big deal about it but she existed and deserves to be remembered and acknowledged. That was the point in the article that got me. And, I have been asked if I had others or were these my youngest or oldest. But, I never ask those questions myself...too personal for me.

[crackertoes]

But I don't think I agree with the woman's answer about her child that died. And who would even ask that "oldest child" question. Makes me even wonder if that is really a true story.

+1

On the other hand, I have asked that question, along with is she/he your youngest or some other really innocent question in order to engage in conversation and show interest toward the other person. On the rare occasion I've been told about a deceased sibling, a stillbirth, or severely handicapped child, it has not made me uncomfortable in the least. Responding appropriately with kindness allows the parent to remember their angel or tell you how cool and interesting their other child/children are. It's not uncomfortable unless the person asking is not able to deal with such an answer in which case that person ought not ever to be asking.

[BigTex]

I find two old SNL skits applicable to this.

One is Debbie Downer, who has to find a way to bring a pleasant conversation to a sudden halt.

The other is The Whiners, who can't interact with other people without revealing all of their personal problems.

[BigTex]

And of course this sort of thing has been addressed by Larry David on Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm.

[jellowrestling]

This is why guys tend to stick to sports and politics.

[crocmommy]

Heh...we've also had some good answers from some of the guys. Don't give up.

[jellowrestling]

Heh...we've also had some good answers from some of the guys. Don't give up.

I'm pretty sure I could handle it..