Do you still help support your grown children?

[Bob Of Burleson]

It’s Official: The Boomerang Kids Won’t Leave

By ADAM DAVIDSON
The New York Times

Annie Kasinecz has two different ways of explaining why, at age 27, she still lives with her mom. In the first version — the optimistic one — she says that she is doing the sensible thing by living rent-free as she plans her next career move.

After graduating from Loyola University Chicago, Kasinecz struggled to support herself in the midst of the recession, working a series of unsatisfying jobs — selling ads at the soon-to-be bankrupt Sun-Times, bagging groceries at Whole Foods, bartending — in order to pay down her student loans. But she inevitably grew frustrated with each job and found herself stuck in one financial mess after another. Now that she’s back in her high-school bedroom, perhaps she can finally focus on her long-term goals.

But in the second version — the bleaker one — Kasinecz admits that she fears that her mom’s house in Downers Grove, Ill., half an hour west of the city, has become a crutch. She has been living in that old bedroom for four years and is nowhere closer to figuring out what she’s going to do with her career. “Everyone tells me to just pick something,” she says, “but I don’t know what to pick.”

One in five people in their 20s and early 30s is currently living with his or her parents. And 60 percent of all young adults receive financial support from them. That’s a significant increase from a generation ago, when only one in 10 young adults moved back home and few received financial support.

The common explanation for the shift is that people born in the late 1980s and early 1990s came of age amid several unfortunate and overlapping economic trends. Those who graduated college as the housing market and financial system were imploding faced the highest debt burden of any graduating class in history. Nearly 45 percent of 25-year-olds, for instance, have outstanding loans, with an average debt above $20,000. (Kasinecz still has about $60,000 to go.) And more than half of recent college graduates are unemployed or underemployed, meaning they make substandard wages in jobs that don’t require a college degree.

According to Lisa B. Kahn, an economist at Yale University, the negative impact of graduating into a recession never fully disappears. Even 20 years later, the people who graduated into the recession of the early ‘80s were making substantially less money than people lucky enough to have graduated a few years afterward, when the economy was booming.

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[Grassman]

Why yes, yes we do.....

[ann jusko]

Yes, we do, but not to that extent. The funniest "help" was with our older son. He bought houses (but was working full time), fixed them up and sold them right out from under himself at a good profit. He calls himself "the boomerang kid". He'd move in with us for a couple weeks, find another deal on a house and do it again. He doesn't do that anymore, but he can't get back into his "real" house until the lease is up in November.

[crackertoes]

The only one living at home is a college kid on summer break.

[crocmommy]

Worked with a 30 something who lived with his parents. He went on some nice trips and had the nerve to brag about his nice car and it's stereo system. Had to resist the urge to tell him that if I lived at home like a teenager, I could afford nice trips and cars too. I realize not every grown kid is like that, but he sure was.

[dublusk]

My Dad had a 19-9 rule. The day you turn 19, you have 9 months to get out. We were all gone long before that! I couldn't wait to get out of the house!! The girl in the story needs to grow up and learn life isn't always by plan. It bites back on occasion and she had better learn to deal with it!!

[Red Oak]

I give them support, but I don't support them.

They are all employed and successful in their own unique way.

They may be supporting me soon

[kent]

Do, and will whenever they need it. They are our kids. I will do whatever I can until the day I die.

[Zelda]

Do, and will whenever they need it. They are our kids. I will do whatever I can until the day I die.

Same as you Kent.
If he needs support he gets it, though he never asks for it.
Same with grandson who is 17 now....if we are in the position to help we always will.

[scarlett~nc]

no, they are 48 and 42 years old and have been on their own since college graduation.

[bodine]

Provide 100% support to my college kiddos; who, while on athletic scholarship, can't work to provide all the incidentals (car payments, insurance, travel, entertainment)...

And our deal to them is if they got college scholarships; we would provide cars. Not new ones, but dependable ones...

[LibraryLady]

We give them some $$ from time to time, but not on a regular basis.

I was AMAZED once at the number of friends who paid for the car insurance for adult children. In my group, I think I was the only one who was not doing so.

[LibraryLady]

I am a little "funny" about giving adult children money.

My mother was widowed pretty young and she had no money to give. I presume if I told her I was not able to eat, she would have sent me something. I learned to manage my income and my needs.
My first husband was very irresponsible and his parents was his crutch. He would not hold a job and they happily gave him money. IMO, if they had cut him off he might have shaped up.

We have a DIL who wants a regular hand out. I told her if they were starving or needed Rx, then we would help. But, they are in their 50s and have good jobs, so should not need a regular subsidy. I know she does not like my attitude.

[crackertoes]

We have a DIL who wants a regular hand out. I told her if they were starving or needed Rx, then we would help. But, they are in their 50s and have good jobs, so should not need a regular subsidy. I know she does not like my attitude.

OMG - how does she have the gall to even ask???

[LibraryLady]

She tells us/me how they need $$ and are spending $$ and things are soooo tight. Then she says that xyz, (my husband's first wife) is paying for xxxx for them. With a pause so that I can tell what we will pay.
About the 3rd time that happened I gave her my little talk of when I'd give money and when I would not.

Back in the day, she got husband's ex to pay for day care for several months for them. (or so DIL said)

I have wondered if ex really pays. I'd ask, but don't want to be the one stirring up a family incident.

[crackertoes]

I think I'd be inclined to ask her in addition to her spending, what is she saving? And if she says nothing, then ask what she plans to cut back on in order to save. That usually leads them to stop dead in their tracks, or to start yammering about how they have to spend SSS on this and that and she'll go on and on while you just stand there saying nothing... and she'll start to realize how ridiculous she sounds because unless it's chemotherapy or food to feed her starving children, then her spending is entirely within her control and not your problem.

[LibraryLady]

After she whined excessively once, I sent a link to an article about managing money.
OMG. She hit the fan and ripped into me. "How dare I " blah, blah.
So I replied, YOU were the one who initiated the conversation, YOU were the one seeking money, YOU were the one.......
I reminded her that I had never asked nor initiated a money conversation and in the future to never mention money to me again.

That lasted about 3-5 years and then the "hinting" conversations began.
You would think that in 25 years she would figure out that it won't happen out of my wallet.

I'll stop, but I could tell stories on that female and her gall that would last into the night.

[crackertoes]

Sounds like you have material for a work of fiction called "Daughters-in-law from Mars."

[Red Oak]

LL next time you think you are about to get a "hint" ask her for some money

[Zelda]

I think there is a big difference between helping your kids out when they need it and being expected to be always on hand to bail them out.
I know if my son ever expected hand outs I would resent it...scrounging, even off parents is not a nice thing to do.